4. Maybe It’s Just Me
Like everyone who walks this earth, I have been on the receiving end of other people’s bad news. Hearing about a friend’s mom or dad who were doing the slow shuffle toward death, the adult child who lost their battle with addiction, the young mother who just got through the terrible twos with her babe and won’t live to see the child’s first day of kindergarten.
Tragic news hits me like a sucker punch; it knocks the breath free and when breathable air returns, I manage to say something — hopefully, it is the right thing, the understanding thing, the supportive thing; and then I walk away because I can. I always tell the suffering to, “Give me a call if you need anything, please … no really … anything … just ask.” I mean those words, and hope I deliver them with sincerity, but I rarely get the call.
In retrospect, I wish I’d made the calls, but I didn’t. It wasn’t because I didn’t think and worry and feel sadness, it was because I didn’t want to intrude. I didn’t want to be a bother; I didn’t want to remind them they were dealing with crap, if by chance they had managed to put the crap aside for a few minutes.
Let’s face it — there is no putting a bad diagnosis aside. It is in your face, night and day. I’m not advocating that people drag their asses through someone else’s nightmare, but I am suggesting that a conversation about the little somethings in life can amount to big somethings to someone needing to put a pause on their shit fest.
So, I am going to be better at being present in other people’s lives as they move toward death or accompany someone on their journey. I am going to make the call if they are facing a challenge, and if the person on the other end isn’t interested in taking my call, then I am going to try again some other day. And when the day comes that I need to make a condolence call, I’ll know the path of sincerity will have been laid with genuine concern.
I guess this is a call to my friends and family, please make the call and tell me about the wonders of your life, and listen to the wonders of mine.